In a culture obsessed with early achievement and glorification of youth, it can be easy to feel like whatever you want to do, it’s already too late.
Didn’t score high on your standardized test in 8th grade? Clearly you lack potential.
Didn’t start a 7-figure business out of your dorm room? Haha, loser.
Friends all married with kids and you’re still single? No one will ever love you.
Absurd, right?
But these are the kinds of messages we get in subtle and not-so-subtle ways—from the world around us (ahem, Facebook), and from our own mind’s comparison bias that paints everyone else as better.
But the truth is, for most things you want to do in life, there’s not nearly as strict a timeline as you’re led to believe.
Take Rina Sawayama—a talented vocalist and songwriter, but by pop music standards, she’s a granny. At 29-years-old, she just released her debut album last year (which is awesome).
Sing Your Song at Any Age
I heard an interview with Sawayama, in which she talked about the discomfort of not starting her career as a teenager (more the industry norm) and wishing she could have been like Britney.
On the other hand, she realized that what she was able to create now would not have been possible earlier in life.
“I feel like the vision of the record — and the music videos — has been helped by what I went through in my early-to-mid 20s,” Sawayama said, referencing experiences such as the institutional racism she experienced as a student at Cambridge.
You know who else had a rough start to his music career? Mozart. He still managed to turn out a few hits.
I also know the feeling. When I was 19, I was studying in an elite music conservatory. Most of my peers had begun their training much earlier than I did. Instead of focusing on my talent, I constantly felt like it was too late and I would never catch up with the other people around me.
I hung in there, practiced my tail off, and eventually made it into several ensembles in addition to organizing my own jazz combos (small groups) for local gigs.
Calling BS on Early Achievement
It’s awesome that some people achieve tremendous things at an early age. But it’s less awesome how we can discount our own experiences and journeys by comparing them to others’.
And it’s even less less awesome how we can stop ourselves from doing new amazing things because we think it’s too late, someone else (younger) has already done it better, and all we can do now is sit around binge watching Netflix and waiting for our joints to give out.
It also really sucks that kids’ futures are pinned on their standardized test performance… and have so much pressure placed on them to achieve that many either give up on their dreams, or overextend themselves and enter college already burned-out wrecks.
Youth suicide rates alone should hint that maybe there’s a problem here. Isn’t anyone seeing this madness for what it is?
Actually yes. Thank you, Rich Karlgaard.
Mr. Karlgaard is a Forbes publisher and futurist who’s been on a mission to raise awareness about the problems with the early achievement paradigm.
In a 2019 TedX talk supporting the launch of his book Late Bloomers, he called for a “late bloomer revolution,” pointing out that in most areas of society (outside of sports) we lack cohesive systems to identify and support people’s talents and skills as they grow and develop.
He highlights three reasons a late bloomer revolution is needed:
1. People are living longer, so there’s more time and desire to explore multiple life paths and activities. (I’m already on my 6th career!)
2. Technology is changing society at an increasingly fast pace, and we all have to keep reinventing ourselves to keep up.
3. New brain research has turned the tables on the idea that our brains finish forming around age 25. According to Karlgaard, capabilities like pattern recognition, empathy, wisdom, and executive functioning don’t peak until our 30’s, 40’s, or even 50’s.
Give Yourself the Freedom to Evolve
If the purpose of life is to grow and gain experience, you have to have a growth mindset.
If you set yourself into a fixed path early on and continually stop yourself from trying new things because you’re “too old” or “too late”, you automatically miss out on a whole array of experiences…
any one of which could mean the difference between a fulfilling life and a regretful demise.
Now, there are physical stops on some things in life, but very few. If you’re 55-years-old, even if you’re in great shape, you’re probably not going to become an NFL player.
And if you’re a female who’s past menopause, having biological children would seem to no longer be an option.
But most of the things people decide (or society tells them) they’re too old for are completely doable at any age: starting a business, becoming an author, getting into acting, getting a degree, finding the love of your life, and so on.
It’s easy to find examples of people who achieved great things late in life, like:
Samuel L Jackson – legendary actor, got first lead role at age 46
Stan Lee – Marvel Comics Legend, got his first break at age 38
JK Rowling – Harry Potter series author, first 1000 copies published at age 32, after rejection by 12 publishers
Treva Brandon Scharf – First-time bride at age 50 and now a midlife empowerment coach for women
Even if you can’t find a similar-aged trailblazer in your chosen endeavor, you can always be the first!
How to Escape the “Too Late” Trap
The “It’s too late for me” excuse is just that—an excuse. Society may be ageist, but you don’t have to buy into it.
If you do, you’ll probably give up on your dreams before you even start.
So if you are someone who ever gets caught in this kind of thinking, here’s a pro-active, step-by-step plan to nip it in the bud.
1. Accept yourself as you are.
…And what you’ve been through to get here, screw-ups and all. What lessons have you learned? Focus on integrating them (instead of regretting them) and you’re almost guaranteed to make positive changes.
2. Get excited about what you want.
If you feel called to do or become something different, accept it and embrace it. If you’re not entirely sure what you want (which might mean you’re tricking yourself into confusion out of fear), use a process of exclusion: what DON’T you want? What will you no longer tolerate?
3. Have a plan for dealing with negative feedback (internal and external).
If and when the inner voice of fear and shame says “It’s too late, other people are better, you’re a loser and you always will be,” …how are you going to respond effectively so it doesn’t derail you?
And what about the outer voices from society, friends, family, peers, mentors, the ghost of your disgruntled high school academic advisor?
All these morons telling you you’re too late/too old/too crazy to do, have, or become the thing you want—how will you respond in an empowered way?
You don’t have to convince them of anything (and trying would probably be a waste of time), but you do have to make sure you don’t internalize the negativity.
Plan ahead. Don’t get caught off guard by either inner or outer discouragement.
Prepare your affirmations, your evidence, your reasoning, your reassurance… and give yourself regular reminders. Then double up on all that stuff whenever you’re faced with a challenge to your resolve.
4. Gather support and inspiration.
Don’t go it alone. There are always people who will try to make you stay in whatever box they have you pegged in. However, for anything you want to do in life, there are also people and groups who can provide support.
Seek out mentors, support groups, and allies that are on a similar path (and ideally some who are further down it than you). Harness the mastermind effect. I wouldn’t be writing this article if it weren’t for a helpful group of allies.
5. Do the thing, focusing on what you can control.
The outcome isn’t really the point—it’s out of your control. The things you can control are your mindset, your effort, and your response to changing circumstances.
You can influence results and timeframes, but a variety of other factors outside of you will have at least as much influence as you, and usually far more. So let go a little and just do your best.
Parting Thoughts
Before I sign off, one more item to note—the flip side of “I’m too late” is “I’m not ready”, “I don’t know enough”, or “I’m not good enough”… another big trap that holds the majority of people back from doing what they want.
We could spend an entire lifetime in one or the other of these mindsets (or bouncing between the two). And that would be a sad road indeed.
So don’t. Be where you are. Use what you have. Do what you want. Now is the time.
