Have you ever had a great idea or a flash of inspiration to create something, and then stopped yourself out of fear?
That’s crazy.
It’ll never work.
I’ll look like an idiot.
It happens all the time. Even in the age of social media, lots of people are afraid to share their ideas and gifts publicly.
I was in the same boat for a long time. I’ve been coaching and writing for others for years, but when it came to sharing my own ideas to a wider audience, I found every excuse possible not to.
Too busy.
Nothing to say.
Look—a squirrel!
Once in a while I’d get on a kick and bust out some thoughts on FB. A few days, a few weeks, then I’d stop.
Clients raved about my work, which is great, but I was letting their projects take up all my creative energy, saving nothing for my own.
I felt a nagging pain, a voice inside telling me I was holding back, hiding, not living up to my potential or serving at the level I could…
The spotlight can make you feel vulnerable.
Some people love being in the spotlight. They’re called Leos. For most of us though, having lots of eyes on us or our work can be mighty uncomfortable.
Some years back I worked as a coach for a business training company. Our students were upstart entrepreneurs who wanted to grow an online business through sharing their expertise.
Growing a business is hard, especially when it’s a business centered on you. The process challenges you at many levels. And you can go long stretches putting in hours and hours of work for little if any reward.
Thought leaders Elizabeth Gilbert and Mark Manson have referred to it as eating s**t sandwiches—a requirement for achieving anything big. Committing to a goal means committing to chowing down on its associated (in)delicacies.
Eastern spiritual traditions offer a less crude but equally unappealing metaphor—”grinding the needle.” The idea is that to achieve mastery takes the level of refined and sustained effort needed to hand-file a huge metal bar down to the size of a needle.
Sometimes you settle in and feel fine about it, even inspired.
Sometimes it sucks, and you want to quit. And many people do—most new businesses fail in their first few years.
A business that focuses on you as a leader and expert can feel like a lot of pressure. Most are too afraid to share their value and step into that spotlight.
Those students I mentioned? Despite having access to in-depth training and personalized coaching, many of them struggled to progress past the first few steps.
You need the right motivation to overcome fear.
One of the most successful ways we found to re-engage people was to switch up their source of motivation.
Instead of focusing only on themselves—their goals, their desire for more money, freedom, etc., we got them in touch with who they could serve and the impact they really wanted to have.
One student had struggled with out-of-control drug use, and he wanted to help others overcome their addictions.
Another had created a debt-free, nature-focused life and wanted to help others do the same.
And another wanted to help women overcome social barriers in the martial arts.
Sure they were all looking to make money. That’s part of business.
But money alone wasn’t a strong enough motivator.
Getting them to keep thinking about the people they could help and why it mattered helped them overcome each new challenge as they went through the program.
This type of motivation is also a major factor in why I started my own business (again) and it’s what got me to finally break through my resistance and restart my blog.
“What if I don’t believe people really want what I have?”
That’s fine. Because you shouldn’t work off of belief. You should work off of information.
If you’re not sure you can help people or that they’ll really want your help, take some time to find out. Here’s a 5-point plan for gathering intel.
1. Start Where You Are
Begin with what you already know (and may have forgotten).
Brainstorm a list of your knowledge and skills.
- What key insights have you gained?
- What problems have you solved?
- How have you overcome big obstacles?
- What meaningful experiences have you had?
- What are your core beliefs and values, and why?
Asking yourself these kinds of questions can help you recover knowledge, insights, stories, and tools that could be hugely valuable to others. Sometimes these gems may come to mind suddenly, so get in the habit of noticing and recording them.
2. Uncover Your Impact
Who have you helped before? Clients, friends, colleagues, strangers…
Not sure? Ask the people around you. You may have completely forgotten about a moment you changed someone’s life.
For you, maybe it was no big deal, but for them it was utterly transformational.
And even in everyday moments, anyone who spends time with you does so for a reason. They’re getting something out of it—what is it?
What do they appreciate about you?
What are the gifts and qualities you bring to the table that others see the value of, while you take them for granted?
It’s hard to see yourself clearly from inside your own skin. Your mind distorts your self-perception.
So ask for feedback from others. “What’s something you appreciate about me?” “What’s a way I’ve helped you?”
This can admittedly feel a little awkward if you’re not used to it, but get over it—you might be amazed by what they tell you.
3. Go Broad
Next, find out more about the problems people are having in the area(s) you want to work in.
Look at forums, social media groups, book reviews, article comments, and so on.
Find out what’s going on in people’s worlds.
If you find yourself looking at their problems and desires and thinking, “I know just what would help them!” there you go.
You’ve answered your question and now you can get busy putting together your solutions.
And you can do it from a place of service and empathy, instead of ego.
4. Go Deep
To get even more insight and develop even more empathy, talk to people directly about their challenges and hopes.
Ask questions.
Be curious.
Don’t worry about giving solutions in these conversations—just give them your attention and a chance to voice their concern.
Caring presence is often the most valuable gift you can give someone.
5. Remember to have Empathy for Yourself
Putting your ideas and knowledge out into the world is a vulnerable act. The internet is a mixed bag—rife with haters and trolls as well as friends, allies, and people who need you.
Expect criticism and challenge, and have a plan for how you’ll deal with it when it comes. (“Ignore” should be near the top of the list!)
Gather your friends and your wits about you.
And gather the data you’ve collected too, showing you WHY you’re doing what you’re doing. You’ll know you can have an impact, because you’ve seen and heard the cries of those in pain.
It’s not about you. Just do your best, with your best intentions, and the results will come just as they need to.
Don’t Keep it to Yourself
We all have gifts to share. We can trick ourselves into thinking we’re being selfish by pursuing the thing that’s calling us—that it’s not meaningful enough or important enough or good enough.
But it’s actually selfish to hold back. It’s the ego-mind caring more about staying safe than doing something that matters.
Don’t let it fool you.
Focus on being of service in all you do, and you will do great things.
